Loading ...
This might come in handy when you start a new job, move to a new area, or just like to people watch. There are many ways to identify a stoner; below are ten things that I look for:
10. Wears lots of tie dyed clothing; plays hacky sack and disc golf
Any one of these items by themselves is not enough evidence to conclude that a person is a stoner. But when you find someone doing two or three of them, chances are good that the person is a stoner. Tie dyed clothing, hacky sack, and disc golf are three of my favorite things!
9. 80% of diet is cereal and corner market burritos
Cereal is the staple of any stoner’s diet. It’s fast, tasty, and kills the cottonmouth. But every once in awhile stoners need protein, which is why God invented the corner market ‘deli’ section.
8. Asks everyone if they’re ‘cool’ or ‘down’
We have all been there before; starting a new job, or going to a new school, or just meeting someone new. After a little bit of posturing, the question eventually comes out, “So…are you ‘cool/down?’ These words equivalent to a Freemason handshake; they are the unofficial stoner membership words. If you hear these words, especially in a ‘conspiracy theory tone,’ it can only mean one thing.
7. Always has a lighter, but doesn’t smoke cigarettes or use candles
If the person always has a lighter in their pocket or vehicle, yet they don’t smoke cigarettes or own candles, chances are good the person is a stoner. Of course, they could just REALLY be into fireworks, so look for additional identifiers.
6. They think a trip to Amsterdam would be ‘killer’
Have you ever met someone that wanted to go to Amsterdam that WASN’T a stoner?? Is there any other reason to go there, other than to sample the best chronic in the world? If someone is talking positively about Amsterdam, they are almost certainly a stoner.
5. Seems to be fascinated by the number ‘420’
Anytime the clock strikes 4:20 p.m., or the number 420 pops up in anyway, it really gets stoners excited. I worked at a country club once, and we had 420 guests for the Easter Brunch. Within ten seconds of the number 420 being announced, I knew that 75% of the staff was stoners, which was awesome because we had a group puff session immediately after we got off work.
4. Owns a large collection of stoner music
If you look through the person’s music collection, and there is lots of Phish, Grateful Dead, Sublime, 311, etc, then you may have identified a stoner. But be careful; posers can listen to stoner music too. My sister and her friends listen to stoner music, yet they are total rookie-posers, so this method is not 100% guaranteed. However there is a method that is 100%; if any of the previously mentioned music is on homemade cassette tapes, especially live recordings, you have identified a full blown pothead! I was in my high school English teacher’s office once, and found a huge cache of homemade Grateful Dead tapes….
3. Horrible at math but is a wiz at fractions dealing with 1/8ths, 1/4ths, 1/2s….
Do you know a person like this? They can’t add 2 + 2, or calculate the tip on a dinner bill, but if you ask them what 1/4 plus 1/8 is they all of a sudden become a mathematician? You ask them how many grams are in an ounce and they give you the answer ‘Well most people say 28 grams, but a real ounce weighs 28.375…’ If calculus were based on measuring parts of ounces, maybe more college students would major in math!
2. Lots of empty ‘Visine’ bottles around
When I was a little kid my stepdad had a cemetery of empty ‘Visine’ bottles in the glove box of his vehicle. And YES, he was one of the biggest stoners of all time…not coincidence.
1. Resin on the lighter
This is a sure fire giveaway. If there is some black ‘gunk’ on the bottom-front of the lighter, the owner of that lighter has been packing down bong/pipe bowls in true stoner fashion.
for #10 I think you described a typical california “cheech n chong’ type of stoner. While those guys still do exist I think that there’s a lot more diversity with stoners these days. I would at least add “wears sunglasses constantly.” And hey, not all wear tie dye. personally I have never owned any. Its awful looking clothing, frankly.
and for #4. No…no…no. Not everyone listens to the Grateful Dead.. geez. I don’t mind being called a stoner but I don’t want to be labeled as being a Dead fan. I actually went to a few shows and I don’t even understand how anyone can like their music. i think it sucks.
I can appreciate 311 or Sublime but what about Dr. Dre “The Chronic”? what about Wu Tang Clan? or what about Bob Marley for christs sake? Bone Thugs n Harmony.. there’s so many other groups.
dude… step out of the ’60s and into the new millennium. Its 2010 you dumb ass. Put the pipe down and wake up.
Maybe he should add a #11: Undeserved feeling of intelligence and wisdom mostly associated with topics meant for entertainment and taken FAR too seriously. Obviously you stoners exist too…
You bite your tongue…Johnny Green is a luminary in the field of marijuana and anything affiliated with it.
I don’t think you are following the article correctly. What I said was if you see Grateful Dead cassettes, you have spotted a stoner, not that if you spotted a stoner, you spotted a Deadhead.
In no way did I say that ALL stoners listen to Grateful Dead, thats way too much of a generalization. As for the other artists you mentioned, that would fall under ‘etc’
When we do an article on ‘Top Stoner Musicians’ I am willing to do a more comprehensive list. However, this article was about SOME WAYS, but not ALL WAYS, to spot a stoner. As for putting the pipe down, I WILL NEVER PUT THE PIPE DOWN! And neither should you! Thanks for the comment
dude i deffinately agree with you that very first dude doesnt know what the fuck hes talkin about im a stoner myself i smoke everday n some of the stuff u say is right n ur not saying that all us stoners do or wear etc. what u say
to the gyuy with the first comment i will say fu if ur telling someone to drop the pipe kuz ur not a true stoner if u have to drop the pipe stoners for life man peace out
reuben owned this guy!!!!!!!! futuristic tokers hip hop good woman and intelligent witty truth!!!
1 love
Ruben you are a tard. way more posers listen to rap than listen to the Dead or Phish. If I find Wutang Clan on a person’s ipod they are more likely to be a wigger then a stoner
But if I find anything by Phish or the Dead I know they are a stoner for sure. WHat kind of stoner tells another stoner to put down his pipe
Great article. Reuben apparently did not get his daily regimen.
Keep em’ coming Johnny Green
Interesting article i totally agree with the comments above. Keep writing
Try and find the stoner
1. they are mad chill, more laid back and have less drama.
2. talk about everything becuase they forget what they were talking about
3.Some are creative
4.they forget to do shit, because they are high
5. they rather smoke than do what they were thinking of doing all day
6.they are quite in class(if ur in school)
7.they eat alot in class
8.they skip lunch bc there eyes are too red and they forgot visine(in school)
9.they never really listen to ur full story
10.they forget…bc i forget what i was gunna put here
11.oo yeah…they zone out
12.they most of the time hate to drink
13.they go to sleep
14.they eat special brownies when they know they cnt smoke somewhere
15.they buy the new iolite.
16.they have food
17. they say man and dude alot
18.AWWWW SHEEEETTTT.
19.they fantazie over new peices
20.they only smoke heddies,mids and regs doesnt get the job done
21.they never go on a road trip or car ride without it
21.they take a hit on 4:20 if they catch it on time
23. they say “wheres my lighter?” they buddy say “dont ask me i dont have it u had it” they say “no way u had the hit.” but they find it on their lap. …
24.or there frend in the back seat is holding it, but is just to stoned to even pay attention and hand it to u…
25.a inch away is like a billion lite years away.
what? Long hair doesn’t make the list? Oh the humanity!