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Man Vs Drug Test

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Urine SampleAs a person who has been using marijuana illegally for over half of his life, I have had to adopt tricks and techniques to get by in the “real world.” One of the most uncomfortable situations is passing a pre-employment drug screening.

Now, I’m not advocating dishonesty with your employer but a urinalysis unfairly punishes weed smokers while cokeheads and meth addicts get a free pass since those drugs only show up in a urinalysis within 72 hours of use while marijuana can stay in the system for 30 days or more. I don’t smoke before work (usually) and it never affects my ability to perform the functions of my job, but after a long day, nothing sounds better then a big, green bowl.

First off, if you can just stop smoking for thirty days then do it. It’s the simple solution to this situation. However, sometimes you don’t have that much time to prepare so you have to improvise. I have had to take ten to fifteen of these tests over the years with a 100% success rate.

I just got a new job last week and had to give a urine sample for testing. There are too important elements when it comes to effectively passing: obtaining a clean sample and keeping it within temperature. We all have friends that don’t smoke and they are the best sources of clean urine. I’ve heard of people using the fake stuff you can order over the internet or buy at your local head-shops and passing but why pay for the fake stuff when you can get the real thing for free? I just have my buddy fill up a balloon or an unlubricated condom and seal it up. I then drive strait to the facility with the “container” of urine on my dash with the defrost on to help keep the temperature high.

This is where it can get tricky. Since you are just taking a pre-employment screening, they cannot search you, so I “hide” the “container” in my underwear and bring a small pair of nail clippers and hide the clippers in a pocket or my shoe. I then carefully walk in to the facility and register. When they call me to take the test, they usually ask you to remove all items for your pockets but I am sure to keep the nail clippers in my pocket. Once they close the door, I use the clippers to clip a hole in the “container” and fill up the cup. I then empty the remaining “sample” into the toilet and hide the empty “container” in my shoe.

I don’t like to have to do this and if there was an easier way I would use it. However this is the world we live in and until there is real change, I am forced to play this stupid game. Incidentally, I would be remiss in not at least pointing out that if you are a meth addict or cokehead and want help, addiction treatment and information is available online.

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70 Comments

  1. I have posted on here before about passing a drug test for employment. I am a daily weed smoker and I get tested every three months. The only way I pass is by detoxing for 7 days. I do not take any instant drinks or any sketchy products from head shops. The only product I use is ultra thc detox capsules. It is a 7 day all natural organic detox program designed for getting marijuana out of your system fast. They are sold in some health food stores but I get mine online at http://www.magicdetox.com

    Hope this helps – Danny

  2. TheLamestDopeHead on

    technically it started with tobacco. A substance used by billions of people daily. What good is it? a slight “buzz” feeling and a very strong addiction. At least we can say marijuana has had helpful effects on those who were prescribed it by licensed doctors.

  3. TheLamestDopeHead on

    I respect your opinion, but i would like to point out that at one point African Americans were legally slaves. Was it right? no. It also states in the bible that it was alright to beat your slaves with a rod to near death, so long as they didn’t die within the next few days. Do you agree that this was alright? Things change, just because you think differently doesn’t make you right. Thank you for your opinion and i hope you respect mine.

  4. One major problem that employee drug tests pose for marijuana smokers is that they can still detect the use of marijuana even six weeks after use.whether you had one joint or you smoke three times a day, the same positive result is going to be flagged!

    How to Pass a Drug Test

  5. LOL if anything tobacco is the real gateway drug. that’s the first substance I ever tried. then alcohol. then weed. then hard drugs, and actually those got real old, REAL fast. now it’s just back to smokin good ol’ mary jane every now and then :) anybody with common sense knows marijuana isn’t harmful. i even had CPS show up at my house after a pissed off family member from my ex husbands side called them. i failed the drug test for marijuana and the case worker told me pot smoking parents aren’t even on their radar and left.

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