Dublin Federal Correctional Institution
Lonely, dark, confused women without light.
Their soul’s stolen by their past, a future unattainable.
Their mind’s confused in a web, tangled with broken promises.
If only they could see beyond today and turn their minds away.
The past they know traps them; their thoughts looped, caught in time.
They run to escape only to find they are back where they began.
Growth requires the insight they lack, taken from them in small pieces.
Their broken moments in the past link together, making a chain.
Now, here the chain tightens and freedom is lost by choices made.
They find themselves in an old place where hope won’t grow due to pain.
Someone took my pen. It’s Unbelievable that I must use a pencil or wait three days for store privileges!
My hand is cramping and my arm is inflamed from my neck injury.
Arriving here from that bad, bad place, otherwise known as the county jail, is like light piercing darkness. Camp is free. No locks on the doors, access to the outside, wild animals and sunshine.
Across the street is the lock down for non-compliant inmates. Nick-named “The Shoe,” it is a frightening display of power. High fences enclose foreboding, dark
buildings. I am told it is worse than the county jail and I will not be checking it out!
The most good and most evil thing about camp is that you are on your own. This is wonderful, freeing, and you are whole. A motivated inmate with good health can exercise, pray, meditate, watch the news and, with some restrictions, come and go as we please. There is a recreation room, or rec-room, a track, a dining room, store, phones and e-mail.
Sounds good unless you are sick, handicapped, disabled or in pain. These people are forgotten, abused and tortured! This may seem strong, but the truth is the truth.
[Mollie’s next entry gives details of abuse she has witnessed for lack of medical care inside the Federal Prison]
Normally, I don’t dream or I don’t remember. Last night I had a dream that I
was happy and wearing street clothes. Suddenly an overwhelming, gray fog over took me. The fog enclosed me, like a blanket. The fog thickened around me, and zipped closed, like a mummy bag. I awoke gasping for breath.
[Mollie writes from her new location at Dublin, a “Medical Ward,” From
Wikipedia: Situated on the Parks Reserve Forces Training Area (PRFTA), FCI Dublin opened in 1974 and is one of only three federal facilities for women in the US. It is a medium-security facility incarcerating female offenders who are serving an average sentence of 5 years. The prison is completely surrounded by a double fence topped with multiple coils of razor wire. It has a design capacity of 250 inmates, but houses well in excess of 1,000. Conditions are cramped, with three inmates sharing a cell designed to house a single prisoner. Meals are served in shifts due to the small size of the dining facilities.]
I am worried about the black mold here. This prison is an old 1938 Army base. I’ve heard this place was condemned by the health department.
[Black mold was first described as Stachybotrys atra by Reichenberg, Bohemia resident and Director of its National Museum, Joseph Corda, who penned six volumes about the toxic substance after taking samples from wallpaper in a home in Prague in 1837.]
Since they transferred me to this new building, my allergies have gotten worse.
[Former Dublin FCI MMJ inmate Stephanie Landa confirmed the prison is full of black mold, was condemned for use as a military base, but apparently alright for prisoners. She said the mold is often painted over, rather than dealt with correctly, which is a simple process of using bleach, and providing ventilation.]
My asthma is bad. I’m using an inhaler three to four times a day!
[The Center for Disease Control (CDC) states in 2004 the Institute of Medicine (IOM) found there was sufficient evidence to link indoor exposure to mold with upper respiratory tract symptoms, cough and wheeze in otherwise healthy individuals; with asthma symptoms in individuals with asthma; and with hypersensitivity pneumonitis in individuals susceptible to that immune-mediated condition. In 2009 the World Health Organization issued additional guidance with the WHO Guidelines for Indoor Air Quality; Dampness and Mold.]
This place is filled with people who are mentally ill. They are vulnerable. All their physical defenses are in full use. The most common feeling is denial. Everything is not their fault and this increases their feelings of self-worth by exaggeration and delusional thinking.
Many project anger and hatred onto their situation. They use displacement to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings or to direct attention to their own problems. These people are also extremely manipulative. They are always trying to improve their poor self-esteem.
We are all burnt cookies. Think about it.
In every batch of cookies the elements are there; the potential for success or failure. The cookies have no say! Many things are not up to the cook, as well. The oven may have poor convection or temperature. On average, a few cookies are always less than perfect, some are burnt.
We all must choose; the palate is set before us. Hurt, emotional people do not feel worthy of gifts, so they chose the over done or burnt cookies. Everyone knows a burnt cookie when they see it, but only ‘burnt cookie people’ choose it.
I am tired today. Many of these inmates are extremely draining. I try to use my time in prayer for reflection, but this is not as easy as it may seem. Every day I ask God to give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
I want to tell them, ‘You are a blessed, inspired, faithful sister embrace God’s love!’
The mighty hand of God is here in prison. I can see it, and I feel it every second of every day. He guides those of us who will be guided.
I KNOW I HAVE MADE MISTAKES!
We are all together in a vacuum of existence. Hate and greed drain the love out of us. Our mission is t o love the unlovable. What benefit to we gain by misdirection to obtain God’s peace? We must first be honest with ourselves.
How long will greed and anger consume our joy? We are not edible! In the end we all come to the same choice, to serve our own self-interest or God. Why delay? The whole truth proceeds smoothly without faltering. So many moments, hours, lives are lost. Forgive!
Change comes from within; you have to want it to get it. Everyone who looks does not find, because their hurt has no training. Exercise your heart and love! If you want doors to open, make sure you have cleared your path. Anyone who accepts gossip without rebuke washes in mud.
Great the day, find glory in the sunrise, dawn sky, clouds and quiet. Explore the joy that dwells within your mind and you will never be alone.
Boredom is a failure to embrace your thoughts, don’t be found naked and out in the cold. If you don’t like your reflection, change!