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Who Is The Biggest Stoner In The World?

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Tommy ChongWhere Do You Find The Biggest Stoner In The World?

By Jeff Seedbum

Who cares who the first man on the moon was? Who cares who won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in 2012? Who cares who the President of Peru is? Who cares if the speed of light is what Einstein said it was? Who cares if Harry Met Sally? Who cares who shot Kennedy? Who cares why there’s no Welsh symbol on the British flag? Who cares about global warming? Who cares about finding a cure for cancer?

Ok well I care about that…but apart from that the only thing I care about is finding out who the biggest stoner in the world is.

It’s not obvious is it? Let’s look at the nominees and make a valid, objective decision shall we?

Music

Music has inspired and transported many stoners over the years. So it may be where we will find the biggest stoner in the world. The biggest stoners in the world of music are clearly:

Hendrix — The world’s best ever guitarist liked a toke. No doubt. He produced incredible music and was high the entire time.

Snoop Dogg — Every rapper talks about getting crazy stoned all the time, but Snoop actually walked the walk and had to quit because he was so high.

Marley — The grandfather of cool stoner style was a fine musician and a reggae legend.

Films

It seems like there is always a good stoner flick on full of hijinks, fun and laughter, so maybe the biggest stoner in the world is in a movie?

Cheech & Chong — You know them, you love them and they may just be the biggest stoners the world has ever seen.

The Dude’ Lebowski — He is easily one of my favourite characters of all time and is stoner hero of the coolest variety.

Seth Rogen — Love him or hate him, he is a self-confessed regular toker, who also regularly plays stoners in films. Check out Pineapple Express if you don’t know who this is.

Records

Perhaps the biggest stoner is something literal (I should really know, I set the question), so let’s look at some stoner records:

Afghanistan — According to the official Guinness Book of Records, Afghanistan is the biggest stoner country on the planet. This is based on the amount of cannabis it produces and not necessarily on its recreational hobby/national sport.

YouTube — Biggest Joint — Trying to find the owner of the biggest joint in the world may have helped us find the biggest stoner in the world but there are just so many contenders on YouTube that I got a bit carried away and lost sight of what the goal was. So YouTube gets the record, by default, for the world’s biggest joint.

Legends

Let’s get serious now; the biggest stoner in the world award should really go to the person who had the biggest influence on the cannabis community. And the nominees are…

Bill Hicks — Comedy and cannabis legend. If you don’t know him, then you should, and when you do, you will love him. It’s just a shame that he’s dead.

Howard Marks — He is Mr.Nice: The Godfather of cannabis. He imported more cannabis than the UK has imported bananas (probably not true), stood for election to Parliament, had 43 aliases, went to Oxford and was a generally much loved man.

Probably could have worked out that he would win this before starting. Never mind…

Golden blunts all round!

Who do you think should have won?

Excerpt:

Are you the biggest stoner in the world? If so, you are on this list…

Jeff Seedbum is a feminized seeds expert. He specialises in sourcing and importing Lowryder seeds.

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19 Comments

  1. first of all you use the word bro way too many times in that rant(once), secondly weed is not a cure for cancer it helps people deal with the effects of chemotherapy so if you think that’s the truth you really are a moron, and lastly you said it yourself this is satire so why the hell are you picking it apart like it’s a scientific article?

  2. this article has nothing to do with global warming retard leave it to someone like yourself to nip pick an article

  3. Hate to be the one to break it to you but global warming is total bull shit. It’s just a lie made up by the ruling class (democrats) to confiscate wealth from citizens.

  4. Will you chance shipping to me in Uruguay. If so I will contact you.
    Or you can call me at 352-265-HELP(4357), My name is Kevin. I work at the University of Florida’s Medical School. Ask for my assistant Dea, she will handle all the arrangements. I will be leaving for Uruguay shortly, so please call.

  5. This article is poorly written satire, for one you call yourself a stoner and you don’t even know that the cure for cancer is WEED! You mentioned the dude? Who was a movie character not a real stoner, and Cheech merrins doesn’t even smoke weed. What about Willy nelson? How about mark emery the self proclaimed king of pot and previous head of NORML before he went to prison in America (even though he’s Canadian because our government sold him out and let the US extradite him) for selling a few seeds. The title should of been who is the biggest most famous stoner? Or maybe an article on the most influential people to the pot culture now that would have been an interesting article. As for this list? should have only included people who are still alive since they have decades of pot smoking on the dead guys. And that amounts to about 4 people Tommy Chong, Willy Nelson, Mark Emery and Snoop Lion originally snoop dogg but changed his name when he went to Jamaica to convert to Rastafarianism and make his new album. So your statement that he quit music because he was too high all the time was not only false but ridiculous like do you even smoke bro?

  6. I think being a stoner is a mindset not necessarily the amout, way, or form you smoke. The biggest stoner would be the biggest man or woman who happens to smoke weed

  7. John Schomisch on

    All people whom use Marijuana for the good of all are great Stoners. Great stoners have grace, They are true humanitarians, Fair and Kind to all within there travels. They are about as rare as unicorns any more.

  8. Sue Potter - We Are US Project on

    Willie Nelson! You can’t even sit next to him with out catching a contact buzz!

  9. Dave Chapelle? Willie Nelson? Jack Herer? Marc Emery? I like that you added ‘Bill Hicks’

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